RELATIONSHIP AND SEX
Unsent Letter: This is how you’ve lost me
March 6, 2020
This is the story of how you’ve lost me.
Remember that one morning in mid-December when you got up early just to make my favorite breakfast? I can remember how you stood by the kitchen counter making my favorite omelet and toast. You were dancing to your favorite song while you were putting the loaf in the toaster. I know how much you hated waking up early on a weekend, but you still got up because you told me you love me that much that waking up early is nothing compared to the happiness that it would give me. I just watched you from afar. I knew from that moment I was already looking forward to more mornings with you.
It’s just a part of a long list that I love about you. You make me feel exactly the way I wanted you to make me feel. It satisfied me for a time. But our relationship is more than that one mid-December morning.
What you don’t know is you are slowly and unconsciously losing me. Our relationship should be far beyond that one great morning. It should’ve been a box of puzzle pieces that we put together every day to make a great image in the end. It should not be a jenga tower where when time gets rough, everything just crumbles.
You lost me when you started to spend more time at work that we barely see each other at home. You lost me when you chose that conference over our anniversary. You lost me when you stopped making me feel like I am the prettiest woman in the world. You lost me when you don’t appreciate all the little things I do for you anymore. You lost me when all the ‘us’ turned into ‘you’s.’ You lost me when you let me have that dinner for two all by myself. You lost me when all the great things you do for me out of love turned to ‘used to’s.’ I felt alone. Taken for granted.
It’s hard for me to see this beautiful relationship of ours slowly crumble to the floor just like that. I can see the beautiful bits of memories and dreams fall to the ground. Years of putting it all up together will fall just like that. Sad to say all our dreams will have to remain as dreams now.
This is me being brave. Brave enough to acknowledge this emptiness. Brave enough to finally choose myself.
I don’t want to spend the rest of my life waiting for you, filling all the missing pieces that you fail to fill in all by myself. I needed you or at least I thought I did.
This time I am choosing myself.
Turns out I make better toast and omelet than you. I make everything better without you. I am better without you.
I am slowly loving this new feeling. I miss you. Every single day. But I know that I am better off without you. I am strong and I just get stronger and better every single day.