Unsent Letter: To the one... that got away
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RELATIONSHIP AND SEX

Unsent Letter: To the one… that got away

Angelique Agarap

September 7, 2022

  • unsent-letter-to-the-one...-that-got-away

    Even though time is meant to heal all wounds, all it does is remind me of how much I still miss you.

    Hey, babe. It’s been a month since you’ve crossed the great divide. How are you up there? You might’ve thought that after a few weeks I would’ve adjusted to your absence, but in reality, each day simply makes my heart heavier.

    I know I promised you that I’d be strong, that I won’t fall into a downward spiral again. I told you I’d fight as fiercely as you did when you drew your last breath. But forgive me if occasionally, I’d lose my footing.

    I’m having a hard time wrapping my head around the fact that I’ll no longer see you, kiss you, and hug you. How I’ll never get to hear your hearty laugh, cheesy pick-up lines, and corny jokes again. During the day, I’ll think that you’re just off somewhere, busy with work. But the nights and weekends would come and slap me with the harsh truth — that all there’s left to last me a lifetime are our backed-up photos/videos (with barely decent ones because you were always goofy), your handwritten love letters (saw the drafts of the poems you wrote me, too, and boy, were they funny), the Iron Man merch that I gave you as a gift (Tony Stark has always been your favorite), and your clothes and accessories that I can’t put away just yet (‘cause it still has your scent on them).

    Truth be told, I wanted to go down into the muddy Earth with you ‘cause it felt like I, not just a part of me, had died, too. But in one of your dream visitations, you wanted me to live as if you’re alive. So, in case you’ve been wondering, I still went on my supposed birthday dinner date while clutching on to a photo of you. I’ve finally mustered up the courage to play the remaining episodes of our unfinished Netflix series, and listen to your recently played tracks on Spotify. You’ll also be happy to know that I’m finally getting along with our cats now (they’ve always adored you more than I). They no longer resist when I squeeze them into a hug. Sometimes, they would sit next to your picture, and would tear up, too.

    But you know what, there are times when I catch myself crying more for our future than our past.

    Our supposed trip to Baguio because you’ve never been there. Taylor Swift’s 10th studio album that you will miss out on. A box regular seat at Avril Lavigne concert in November (‘cause that’s what we can only afford). Our plan to finally move-in before this year ends. Your unconventional concepts of what our proposal and wedding would be like which is anything but lovey-dovey. And oh, the ridiculous names you’ve given our future children which would drive me absolutely crazy. You’d even make a light-hearted threat to sedate me when I give birth so you could have it your way. I’ve often wondered what it would be like to grow old with you, but regrettably I’ll never find out.

    They say everything happens for a reason. That there may even be a greater love than the one that was lost. And it may be too soon to tell, but will there ever be enough reason to justify why I lost you? I never asked for more. I was content with you. I only wanted you.

    We spent our years together making memories, and in our years apart, I’ll be holding on to them. Time ran out for us. Just like any other. But what a wonderful one it has been.

    Thank you for everything.

     

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