RELATIONSHIP AND SEX
Unsent Letter: To you who made me feel again
Darla Reyes, Intern
July 19, 2019
This is to all the times I laughed, to all the nights I got wasted, to all the moments I cringed, to all the small notes and poems I wrote, to all the hours I spent on you, with you, for you, because of you. Just you.
Finally, someone came along and I could feel something after years of nothing. You were a breath of fresh air after living only inside a locked room. It was like a new season, a new stage in my life. As if I never felt this before. Maybe this is what pain can give you. It teaches your heart to automatically shut down and block every good feeling the universe will give. When the right time comes, it will beat like it’s its first time to pump blood.
It’s been a while since I’ve felt anything for someone, until you. I’ve never felt comfortable talking to someone, until you. No one else knew what to say and how to say it, until you.
I’d hate to think of my life as B.Y. and A.Y.—before you and after you, but I cannot deny that you are a milestone and an inevitable chapter in this lifetime. So, until someone else comes after you, I cannot help but reread you, however awful our chapter you may be.
With you, once again, I believed that something is possible for me. That I can have my own “love story”. Maybe things didn’t end up how I formed them in my head. Because with you everything was just real, everything was felt by my palms. I felt tears rolling down from my eyes. I felt that happy curve in my lips. I felt arms wrapping around me to make me feel secure. I felt butterflies in my tummy when you’re near. I felt alive again.
You are the reason why I know that I still want to be in love again. The reason why I’m willing to risk this heart again just to feel again.
I can’t say thank you for the chaos you brought, and I can’t say that I wish you well. However, I can tell you that I was happy, sad, lost, but most of all… I felt.