Toxic Family Culture: How to deal with your Tita Marites
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Toxic Family Culture: How to deal with your Tita Marites

Troyka Lunar

September 2, 2021

  • Tita Marites

    As a Filipino, family reunions or even a simple family gathering is something that we can never get away from. For some, this is a great time to get along with your relatives and bond with your cousins. As we grow older, we start to hear our relative’s unsolicited opinions. More so, they start to have a lot to say about how we take control of our life. Some meant well, while others make you question yourself, “Am I that sensitive? Or are they insensitive?” So, we want to share some ways to deal with your Tita Marites whenever you are in a family gathering.

    Value your decision, beliefs, and what you think is best for you.

    Remember that you are in charge of your own life. You want to pursue a different course, go ahead! You want to resign from that job that you think isn’t making you grow, do it for yourself! Don’t let their opinion affect your decisions in life. Be the driver of your own life, and never let anyone take that away from you. If you fail, do not worry about them having to say, “I told you so.” Do not get discouraged! Instead, show them that you may have committed a mistake, but that mistake won’t go to waste. Why? Because our experiences in life never go to waste. Good or bad, they will always serve their purpose to us. So, stand your ground and don’t let other people take control of your life.

    Let them know if you are getting uncomfortable.

    Are you tired of hearing comments such as “Uuuy! Ang taba mo na, para ka nang sofa!” Moreover, have you ever wanted to skip a family reunion just because you think you’ve had enough of “Ilang taon ka na, hindi ka pa ba magbo-boyfriend?” or “Ilang taong na kayong kasal, hindi pa ba kayo mag-aanak?”  Well, maybe it’s about time to let your Tita Marites know that these comments aren’t doing any good. It’s not like you’ll lose weight every time they comment about how chunky you are, right? But the thing is, sometimes, these comments often attack our self-esteem. To give them the benefit of the doubt, sometimes they consider these comments as a joke. So, it’s better to let them know how you feel about them making fun of your situation. But if this will continue even after letting them know, that’s a totally different story!

    Don’t let it all out.

    Identify within yourself the things that you should share and those that you must keep in private. After all, your Tita Marites doesn’t need to know everything. Do not give her the chance to manipulate you or take control of what you want to do. Never give her a leeway to let her unsolicited, non-constructive criticisms get on you. Avoiding her the entire reunion will be too much of a hassle on your end. So, try to filter things out. Most importantly, never be afraid to speak up or even end the conversation if she opens a subject that makes you feel uncomfortable.

    Let them be.

    Understandably, dealing with your Tita Marites can be reasonably exhausting. However, having hopes that they will someday change is not going to make the situation any better. If they were born to be Marites, no amount of confrontation would change their ways. If confronting them doesn’t make the situation better, maybe it’s about time to be the game-changer. After all, you can’t control how they will treat you, but you can always control how you react to them. And that leads to our last point.

    Walk away if you must.

    It’s okay to walk away from other people’s life if you feel like having them around does no good. Stand up for yourself but do not be like them. Be firm, but never lose your grace. Learn how to say no, but always keep your values intact. Know your worth, and let other people see it, too. Remember, you deserve whatever it is that you allow in your life. You deserve a happy, peaceful, and non-toxic life.

    Our family is the core of our individuality. They are supposed to be our support system, our first line of defense. They should be the one who understands us the most and will judge us the least. So, make sure that you are always with the right people. By then, you will experience the essence of a real family and a genuine peace within.

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