RELATIONSHIP AND SEX
Stop dating within your social circles
Liah Gomez, Intern
July 13, 2019
Anyone who knows me knows that no matter how many people I’ve dated (or hooked up with) over the years, either casually or seriously, none of them have been from within my social circles. If you’re a blockmate, an orgmate, a workmate, or a part of my barkada, there’s a pretty big chance that I’d never consider dating you.
DATING SOMEONE YOU HAVE SO MANY MUTUAL CONNECTIONS WITH AUTOMATICALLY INVOLVES OTHER PEOPLE IN YOUR RELATIONSHIP.
When you date someone your friends don’t know, the only details they’ll know about your relationship are whatever you decide to tell them. But when you date someone who’s as close to your friends as you are, they get to hear about everything. Your first kiss becomes a conversation topic. Every fight you have affects the group dynamic. Or if you’re in a working environment together, your work relationship might get in the way of your romantic relationship, and vice versa. It’s just too much of a hassle to deal with.
WHEN OR IF YOU BREAKUP, THE COLLATERAL DAMAGE IS GONNA BE AWFUL.
Breakups are tough. And they’re always so much easier to go through when you have friends to lean back on. But if you and the other person share the same friends, those people are most likely going to pick sides. Group hangouts are going to get awkward. In some cases, they might have to choose only one of you to invite to avoid tension. You’ll also have to hear from so many people who apparently have a lot to say about your breakup just simply because they felt involved in it. This is a difficult mess to clean up, and in really bad cases, one of you or both of you could end up losing friends.
YOU SHOULDN’T SHIT WHERE YOU EAT.
I’m a firm believer in this saying. If there’s a place or a group of people that you regularly spend your time with, don’t do anything that could potentially cause any trouble, such as dating a colleague that you have to work with every day. If things go wrong, which they usually do, then it’ll be difficult to have to see this person when you come to the office every day, and it will inevitably affect your work ethic.
Save yourself the trouble and date someone outside of your social circles. It’s even more fun because there will be so much to learn about each other. It’s like starting with a clean slate. Anything that you did in past relationships won’t come into play, and you’ll feel much more comfortable talking to your friends about your new bae. I’m not saying you shouldn’t establish a foundation of friendship with someone before dating them, but it’s possible to date someone you’ve developed a friendship with and still make sure that the person isn’t a part of your friend group.
At the end of the day, your relationship with someone should be about you two and you two only. Dating within your social circles makes that difficult. Open up your horizons – you’ll be surprised how many interesting people you can meet if you just put yourself out there.
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