RELATIONSHIP AND SEX
My ex-boyfriend became my best friend
Liah Gomez, Intern
June 27, 2019
A lot of people say that exes can’t be friends. So how did my ex and I become best friends? There’s no big secret or 100% guaranteed solution. It was a process – one that took time and effort on both ends. I’m not saying that all exes should be friends. There are many cases wherein the breakup was brought upon by something awful that couldn’t be forgiven. What I’m trying to say is that if the love is still there after your relationship ends, you don’t have to throw it away. Love can change. Love can evolve. Love can live on.
WE HAD A CLEAN AND RESPECTFUL BREAKUP.
When we broke up, we did it in person. He had enough respect for me to not do it over the phone. He did it in a neutral place that didn’t mean anything to either of us, and he explained everything to me in a calm and respectful manner. There was no beating around the bush; he just got straight to the point. Neither of us yelled at each other or said anything mean. We listened to everything that the other had to say.
Not all breakups have to be messy (unless, of course, someone did something terribly wrong and unforgivable). If you part with someone on good terms, you’re probably on the right track towards keeping them in your life.
WE TOOK TIME AWAY FROM EACH OTHER AFTER THE BREAKUP.
I’ll admit it wasn’t easy. When you break up with someone that you still care about, you still look for them every day. You wait for their messages to pop up on your phone, and at the end of a long day, you still find yourself wanting to call them and tell them all about it.
But our time apart was necessary. We needed it to heal and grow as separate people, while processing our own emotions about the whole situation. We didn’t see each other or talk for about a month. If we had kept in touch during that time, I wouldn’t have been able to really think about how I felt about the breakup because he would remind me of all the pain I felt when it happened.
HE WAS PATIENT WITH MY HEALING PROCESS.
Even after our 1-month break had ended, there were days when I would slip into the trap of being the crazy ex-girlfriend. I started getting a bit toxic at times, but he understood that this had everything to do with my emotions regarding the breakup and nothing to do with him as a person.
Having him there for me as a friend that I could lean on was really helpful to me. You know how you always turn to your friends after you go through a breakup, and even though they’re there for you they just don’t fully understand what you’re going through? Having my ex as the friend I could confide in was great because he understood exactly what I’d experienced.
WE LEARNED TO LAUGH ABOUT OUR RELATIONSHIP.
We’ve become comfortable with our history. We moved on and even supported each other in our new relationships. We could joke about the way we used to be and look back fondly upon some of the things we used to fight about. It’s not like we want to pretend our relationship never happened. We acknowledge it and use it as one of our biggest learning experiences. Every now and then, we would look back on memories we shared while we were together and laugh at our young, naïve selves. This helps us develop a healthy relationship with our past instead of burying it and forgetting about it.
WE SEE EACH OTHER AS BEST FRIENDS FIRST AND EXES SECOND.
The way we see it, we aren’t exes that turned into best friends. We are best friends who just happen to be exes. I still love him, and he still loves me, but the kind of love we have for each other now is different. It is a love that blossomed out of nothing, turned into a sweet romance, and then evolved into a strong, tight-knit connection built on trust that would last for the rest of our lives. Defining each other’s roles in our lives made it much easier to move on but stay together.
At the end of a relationship, you don’t have to scrap all the love you have left for that person. You could turn it into something else. It would be a waste to let go of someone you once were so devoted to just because a romantic relationship didn’t work out for you.
As for the saying that exes who turn into friends are still in love or were never in love at all? I’m living proof that this isn’t true. If you and your ex broke up on a good note, don’t be afraid to give your friendship another shot. You never know how rewarding it could be.
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