When someone we love dies, their absence is not the only thing we have to learn to live with. Sometimes, it is everything they leave behind.
Their clothes remain in the closet. Their favorite things stay in their usual places. Their rooms can look almost untouched, as if they might still walk through the door at any moment.
Kuya Kim Atienza recently gave a glimpse into his other side of grief and healing when he shared that his late daughter Emman’s room has remained as it was after her passing. For some, leaving a loved one’s space untouched may seem like an inability to let go. But for those grieving, it can be something else entirely: a way of keeping a connection alive.
This raises a difficult question: When someone we love is gone, what are we supposed to do with the things they left behind?
There is no universal timeline for deciding what to keep, give away, or put away. For some, holding on to a shirt, photograph, or familiar room brings comfort. For others, clearing things out can be part of learning to move forward. Neither choice makes grief more or less valid.
Perhaps healing does not always mean removing reminders of the person we lost. It can mean learning how to live alongside them, in memories, stories, photographs, and even the spaces they once occupied.
Eventually, some things may be moved or given away. But letting go of an object does not mean letting go of the person.
Sometimes, we keep things because we still love them. And sometimes, we let them go because we have learned that love does not always need something tangible to survive.