Chloe’s Inbox – People will always come and go
January 21, 2020
Hi DJ Chloe,
It’s been a decade since the first time I heard your voice and it’s really refreshing to me with a love and tender care with a lot of hope and positive in life. From then, I’m always your silent and avid fan. Please call me Virgo. I don’t know where I get a courage to send a message. But I pushed myself because I need a peaceful and a heart-warming advice without judging me.
I’m 37 years old, separated, going eight (8) years now. My marriage life is my biggest mistake in my whole life. I was blinded with love that time, I almost forget myself. Parents and friends, even relatives don’t like him but then they support me all the way with my marriage life. A few days ago, I found something that crashed me. Gumuho ang mundo ko that time, we attended a golden anniversary. All of his relatives came. As a newlywed, I was introduced to them but since I don’t speak nor understand kapamapangan I was set aside, just silent with them. When we got home my ex told me that he introduced me to his relatives as a nurse. Since then all things with me changed a lot. Almost 10 years into relationship with my ex, I must say hindi kami normal couple. He is a civil engineer and I’m a medical clerk at the hospital. And most of the time he’s attending to his work. But anything he offers to me, I’m accepting with open arms. I mean, I never demand anything to him nor his time or any material things. Because I just love him with all my heart. And I found out that he’s having an affair and the money he kept from me. I accidentally found a dollar money when he was working abroad before we got married and he told me, hindi ko dugo at pawis ang pinuhunan ko sa pera at idedemanda niya ako. Afterwards, I found myself in one of the corners of house, crying silently, asking myself why I have such a messed up life. I tried my best to be a good and devoted wife, working in Manila, 12 hours shift, back and forth to Pampanga every day. I know I’m not perfect.
One day I got a message from someone telling me if I’m the wife of my ex asking me to tell him to please stop seeing his wife. I told him about it but he just say block the person. That day I decide to let him go. I told him it’s okay. I’m letting him go but please find someone single. ‘Wag siyang manira ng pamilya. November 2012 the last time we saw each other. I never came back to Pampanga since then. I afraid of relationships. Hindi ko na kayang magtiwala. Honestly, I’m having relationships in social media but I can’t pursue it in person. It’s killing me to say this but I’m a failure. I want to have my own child but I’m afraid to commit myself. I have trauma I got sick from him since then. I’m totally lost, I’m really lost. Feeling ko ang dumi-dumi ko. November 2017, I messaged him asking to sort out our marriage so he can marry the mother of his child. But then he said, wala siyang plan magpakasal and he doesn’t want to annul. He said I have to wait for him to die at 37, without nothing and on my own. I’m moving on but I’m afraid to try to commit myself to anyone. Though I’m into relationship on social media, I’m scared when the time comes that reality will hit me. What should I do? If he wants to come here in Philippines, should I stop communicating and just let myself alone? I’m so glad I shared my story. Thanks. More power to you. God bless you more.
Hi Virgo Girl,
See? The only thing you got out of your marriage or relationship with your ex is… sama ng loob, misery. Ngayon hiwalay ka na? You still allow him to affect you that way? Tama naman na. Nothing he can do will affect you, only if you allow it to. Get counselling if you feel you need help from all the psychological abuse you got from him. But you know WE ALL GO THROUGH sadness, pain, rejection. One thing I can tell you, nothing lasts forever, kahit ang sugat hindi gagaling kung lagi mong gagalawin, kukutkutin. LET GO, dear. You don’t need an annulment to move on from anything. You only need to stay away from him, so far that he won’t be able to find you. And change all your contact information, if you really want to. Maawa ka na sa sarili mo, okay lang madapa, hindi okay ang hindi na bumangon.