RELATIONSHIP AND SEX
I asked my Boss if he wants to do the “deed”, his answer surprised me
August 12, 2015
A personal account of ‘Bryan’, not his real name. Names mentioned in the story are not the real names of the people involved because of a request for anonymity. Bryan works in a BPO company.
I am Bryan. There was a time in my life when I have resolved that I am not capable of loving; until I met Vincent.
June 01, 2009, Monday. It was my first day for work and also his as a team leader. He’s my boss. I didn’t actually like him. Nothing’s really unique about him until he unleashed his kindness and good humor. Who won’t get attracted with that?
Days went by and the rare conversations of ‘acquaintances’ became regular; our chat boxes became busy; my phone rings every now and then and slowly I’m getting attached to him. But those moments were cut short because he became a supervisor. I hardly see him but our chat boxes kept on beeping.
Then one day, out of the blue, (I am not drunk at all) I confessed that I like him. He just laughed and said that he was flattered. And with all confidence I asked him if he had relationships with the same sex.
Not a single one.
But I wasn’t done yet, I asked him, “how about the ‘deed’?”
“Not yet,” he replied.
And with all my might I asked him if he wants to try the it.
“I’ll give it a shot,” he said.
To cut the long story short, we did it over a bottle of tequila in his place. That night brought something different to me. When you get intimate with someone, it creates a special connection. It makes you possessive–you know that you own a part of him.
After that night, we were going out together a lot. But we don’t have labels. I didn’t dare to ask because I was too afraid to be dumped since he declared that he’s straight.
We still go out together but, unfortunately, odds were not in my favor. A new gay employee came into the scene, Gerry. I became friends with him and knew that he likes Vincent. Insecurity and jealousy crawled in because Gerry was a beautiful gay and they were becoming close. I decided to treat Vincent cold. After all, I have no right. We’re not exclusive or whatever.
There would come a time that you want to clear your role in someone’s life so that you would know how things between the two of you should be. But in my case, since I didn’t dare, I am meant to just accept everything.
Our company outing came and Vincent and Gerry were together the whole time with other employees. They were so happy and almost inseparable. And because I had no one I let myself got drunk and let the truth sink: everything is getting painful.
After three weeks I resigned. First, because people in the office were becoming aware of what happened to us; second, I found new opportunities; and third, I want to move on. No goodbyes happened because I didn’t even come to work on my last day.
I moved ahead.
On my first months in my new work, my close friends from my previous company called for a reunion. We reminisced a lot including that company outing which I have no recollection of. They told me that I isolated myself in a corner that night and cried my heart out. Little did I know that Vincent came to me and was trying to comfort me. I didn’t know I was ranting to him. They even said that they saw Vincent kiss me and I passed out. And few weeks after my resignation Vincent’s Facebook posts contained bitterness and rants.
Until now, I have no communication with Vincent. He didn’t try. I didn’t try–because I don’t even know how to. I just realized that in life, the only question that cannot be answered is the question that was never asked.
From that day, I became aggressive. No cover-ups, no walls, no barriers. I’m stronger than ever; loving than ever.
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