RELATIONSHIP AND SEX
This is how it feels to love someone who has no idea
November 9, 2018
I wonder if you know what I really feel when you are near. Like, when we are skin-to-skin kind of near. I wonder if you can hear how my heart beats in the mixture of nervousness and “kilig”. Always torn between not wanting it and wanting to stay in that position longer.
I wonder if you’ve seen how my eyes roll at your corny jokes, but I also wonder if you see me giggle and shake my head when I turn my back on you just so you won’t see that you made me laugh.
I wonder if you have an idea how sad I can be when you’re not around, when you don’t look for me, when you don’t notice me, when you don’t sit with me at lunch. I wonder if my sadness is contagious that it reaches you.
I wonder if you can see beyond my smiles and laughs the authentic happiness when we talk about the things we both love.
Because truth be told, I fell in love with you being near, your corny jokes, conversations, and you just being you. I fell in love with you doing nothing. And you have no idea how you have given me unusual heart beats, butterflies in my tummy, and the dream of having you forever.
My heart was so near yet so far from you. I fell in love with you and you have no idea why. You don’t even have intentions of making me love you. You were just being you and there I go falling in love with every piece you.
You are a far-fetched dream. You are the fairy tale that they say do not exist. You are the love I wanted when I was 13. You are my 2am thoughts and my dreams when I fall asleep. You are the person I wanted to be with if my life is an MTV.
I can’t fight the feeling. But just in case you know, or you have an idea what I’m feeling towards you, I will love you from afar and I won’t dare come near. Because I know that when I do, I’m not sure if I can keep you. I’d love you from afar than forever lose you.
For now, I’ll just fall in love with the thought of you and I together in a galaxy I only know, and where unicorns exist.
January 11, 2019
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November 28, 2018