RELATIONSHIP AND SEX
A girl’s letter to her boyfriend after they “did it”
September 25, 2015
“Your body is a wonderland…”
This line from John Mayer’s song keeps on playing inside my head from the time I took your white shirt off of you. That’s my favorite shirt of yours. I love it when you wear it with your tattered jeans and chucks. I really find you sexy on that combination, especially when you don’t comb your hair. It seems that you’re pulling me to bed even if we’re really going to the mall.
Last night was different from the nights we made love. The way you held my waist and caressed my body felt like the first time. I felt goosebumps all over and I wonder if you noticed them, I wonder why you didn’t stop touching me.
I was thinking then if you were already violating me. But the moment you hugged me tight and whispered, “you’re beautiful,” I felt secure. I shed a little tear when you embraced me, as if you’re embracing my scars, my past, and all the dirt in me.
When you started kissing me so hard, I wanted to tell you I’m hurting. But I don’t want to stop you. I don’t really want to get hard and wild that night because I’m really tired from work. I just wanted that night to be soft. Like when Popoy and Basha made love after their break up in One More Chance.
However, at the back of my head, I don’t want to deprive you, I don’t want to limit you because I’m yours. But you were sensitive enough and said, “I’m sorry, do you want me to stop?” I shook my head and hugged you tight.
By being aware of what I feel, I was assured that you know me well; that you’re on top of me not because you want to get satisfied but because you love me.
You also went down on me. Every time you do I always thought that you’re doing that because you think I like it. I don’t really do. And I feel so forced to return the favor. I’m sorry. Please just don’t do it. I love you.
When we woke up you saw my arms with blackish marks. I didn’t know where it came from but you do. You said we were on hype last night and you gripped my arm so hard but I didn’t notice it. You were almost in tears. We both know that it was the first time you physically hurt me. I saw in your eyes how you regret it. I can’t say a word but I am very grateful that you’re my man. It’s okay, darling. That’s one of the best pains I’ve ever had.
We stayed up after everything, with the lights off. Our gasps and our heart beats were the best sounds that night. Thank you for still intertwining your body with mine despite the tiredness. I didn’t feel sex. You made love with me that night and I was still sure that when you remove my bra pins again I won’t resist. I’ll help you pull it off.
August 09, 2019
August 01, 2019
July 25, 2019