RELATIONSHIP AND SEX
5 Reasons why I stopped trying to know what “love” is
October 25, 2018
Don’t judge. There is no bitterness in this article.
I know love. I see love through my mama’s forgiving heart. I see love through my papa’s generosity and service. I see love through my siblings’ longing and attachment to me. I see love through my best friend’s listening heart and acceptance.
I’ve seen so many forms of love as I grow up.
I also saw love in through a man and a woman. They say it’s love. But I saw him cheating on her. I heard her crying in the shower over a text message that consumed her because of her overthinking. They say it’s love.
I saw a man quietly accepted the woman of his dream runaway from him at the altar. They say it’s love.
I’ve seen so many forms of love. Love that won’t break. Love that won’t end. Love that doesn’t ask anything in return. Unconditional love. The kind of love given by the people who loves you by default.
But the reason why I stopped trying to know what love is when I fell in love with a stranger. Someone I am not required to love. And there I learned that you can’t define the love that is meant for you. So I stopped trying to what love is…
1. Because there are many forms of love in the world. And each person has their own version of love. There might be a lot of love languages in this world but each one has a specific way of loving. And I figured out that you can’t know it unless you know them. Love has no pattern. It surprises you each time you get the chance to be loved. It might be through a “kamusta ka?” or “kumain ka na ba?” But you’ll never know what kind of love is meant for you. It’s not like what you see in the movies. F. Scott Fitzgerald said, “There are all kinds of love in this world but never the same love twice.”
2. When I saw my mama crying because of my papa. I told her to leave. If it was me, I’d leave, I won’t stay with someone who hurts me. I stopped trying to know what is love when I saw people staying, holding on, trying once more even if it breaks them. That is love. I don’t know how much I can stay at something that’s breaking me. We are different. What is bearable to some may not be bearable to me. It depends on how much we love. And there is no instrument in this world or enough standard that can measure what love is.
3. Because there are different kinds of love that I’ve experienced through time. There are too much, too happy, too lonely, too ideal, too perfect kind of love. But not all will fit for a long time. You just really have to find what’s meant for you. And every time you get broken by one love, you are one step closer to the real love.
4. Because I figured out that knowing love is a lifetime search. Finding the one you’ll love is just the start but loving them everyday is a different one. It’s an everyday journey. Everyday discovery. Everyday aha moment. Something that won’t stop…because love doesn’t stop. It doesn’t end.
5. Because in real sense, you don’t really search for love. It searches for you. How would you know? No one knows, really. You’ll just know.
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